Robert Orben's Funny quotes #58754
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, "Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!" Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
- Robert Orben
  • Funny,
  • Heart
  • Funny
  • Heart
  • Girl
  • Valentines day
  • Love for him
Fernando Pessoa's Funny quotes #120234
Look, there's no metaphysics on earth like chocolates.
- Fernando Pessoa
  • Funny
  • Funny
  • Valentines day
Candace Bushnell's Funny quotes #632034
Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.
- Candace Bushnell
  • Soulmate,
  • Funny
  • Soulmate
  • Funny
  • Relationship
  • Girlfriend
Unknown's Funny quotes #421037
Some guys will cheat on their girlfriends and sleep like a baby at night but feel guilty when they go to another barber.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
Unknown's Funny quotes #416905
I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people to find me attractive.
- Unknown
  • Lonely,
  • Cheating
  • Lonely
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Single
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Funny quotes #419909
"I Love My Wife" bumper stickers are strictly for men who were caught cheating.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny love
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
What is the use of being in a relationship without cheating , I mean like dating is a game and every game has its cheats.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Relationship
Unknown's Funny quotes #419125
Guys are like bra's, they hook up behind your back.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Funny quotes #544642
Trust is the most important part of a relationship. You must be 100 sure that she won't tell your wife!
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Trust
  • Cheating
  • Trust
  • Funny
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Woody Allen's Funny quotes #407575
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. 
- Woody Allen
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Hussein Nishah's Funny quotes #480525
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
- Hussein Nishah
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
Jarod Kintz's Funny quotes #635292
I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side.
- Jarod Kintz
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Relationship
Unknown's Funny quotes #434066
A lion wouldn't cheat, but a tiger wood.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Relationship
Unknown's Funny quotes #548986
If every time I thought of you, a star fell, Well, the sky would be empty.
- Unknown
  • Funny love,
  • Cute
  • Funny love
  • Cute
  • Love for her
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Cute love
  • Love for him
  • Thinking of you
Kamila Shamsie's Funny quotes #643760
For a second I was almost jealous of the clouds. Why was he looking to them for an escape when I was right here beside him?
- Kamila Shamsie
  • Funny,
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Funny quotes #433575
Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Funny quotes #421738
I don't think I'm that good at telling time. He said he'd love me forever, and I thought forever was a lot longer.
- Unknown
  • Broken heart
  • Broken heart
  • Funny love
  • Break up
  • Funny
  • Love
Stephenie Meyer's Funny quotes #1647509
I'll meet you at the altar, I'll be the one in white!
- Stephenie Meyer
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Rodney Dangerfield's Funny quotes #264014
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Happiness
  • Funny
Unknown's Funny quotes #417736
Dear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there's Twitter for a reason.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Funny quotes #433925
The teacher asks Timmy "why is your cat at school today?" Timmy says, crying, "Because I heard my daddy say to my mommy, 'I'm going to eat that pussy when the kids leave.' so I'm saving him!"
- Unknown
  • Funny
Billy Sunday's Funny quotes #506785
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
- Billy Sunday
  • Funny,
  • Wisdom
  • Funny
  • Wisdom
  • Sarcastic
  • Brainy
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more?
- Chris Rock
  • Funny,
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Funny quotes #433907
Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't know.
- Unknown
  • Funny
Suzanne Collins's Funny quotes #631896
Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
- Suzanne Collins
  • Funny
Unknown's Funny quotes #433911
I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be Nobody so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it. And it will say Nobody Likes This.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Positive
  • Funny
  • Positive
  • Brainy
Jarod Kintz's Funny quotes #634251
I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.
- Jarod Kintz
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Funny
  • Relationship
  • Love
  • In love
Unknown's Funny quotes #431933
I know you think I'm cute, I know you think I'm fine, but like the rest of the guys.. take a number and wait in line.
- Unknown
  • Funny love,
  • Cute
  • Funny love
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Patience
  • Cute love
  • Love for him
Hussein Nishah's Funny quotes #440541
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.
- Hussein Nishah
  • Funny love,
  • Cute
  • Funny love
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Cute love
Oliver Wendell Holmes's Funny quotes #531589
The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Girl
Mike Myers's Funny quotes #499032
Marriage can be viewed as the waiting room for death.
- Mike Myers
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Death
  • Patience
Jarod Kintz's Funny quotes #509846
The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn't around to propose to her.
- Jarod Kintz
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
Richard Pryor's Funny quotes #54265
Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
- Richard Pryor
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
Nikhil Saluja's Funny quotes #499485
Marriage is an institution in which a Man loses his Bachelors degree, and the Woman gets her Masters.
- Nikhil Saluja
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Girl
Robert Frost's Funny quotes #397950
There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will.
- Robert Frost
  • Marriage,
  • Cute
  • Marriage
  • Cute
  • Funny
Oscar Wilde's Funny quotes #252354
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Love
  • In love
Groucho Marx's Funny quotes #660237
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
- Groucho Marx
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
Barbra Streisand's Funny quotes #473723
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Girl
  • Change
Ambrose Bierce's Funny quotes #149723
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
- Ambrose Bierce
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Love
Albert Einstein's Funny quotes #524397
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
- Albert Einstein
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Change
  • Hope
Raghib Clitso's Funny quotes #471177
Hey baby, feel my sweater. You feel that? That's boyfriend material.
- Raghib Clitso
  • Funny,
  • Boyfriend
Gemma Halliday's Funny quotes #637637
Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girls mouth!
- Gemma Halliday
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Girl
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Funny quotes #569598
I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
- Unknown
  • Cute,
  • Funny
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Funny quotes #419069
Dear boyfriend, I do not want to see pictures of you with your ex-girlfriend. Get rid of them please. Sincerely, current girlfriend.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Boyfriend
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Relationship
  • Girlfriend
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Funny quotes #431989
Its funny how the people who know me the least have the most to say.
- Unknown
  • Fake people
  • Fake people
  • Funny
  • Hate
  • Jealousy
Nishan Panwar's Funny quotes #540379
Isn't it funny how just one little phone call or text can make your bad day suddenly wonderful?!
- Nishan Panwar
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Thinking of you
Jodi Picoult's Funny quotes #443844
True love is felonious...You take someones breath away...You rob them of the ability to utter a single word...You steal a heart.
- Jodi Picoult
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Funny
  • Heart
  • Single
  • True love
  • Love is
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Funny quotes #548607
That awkward moment when your crush is absent from school, and you wasted a really cute outfit.
- Unknown
  • Funny love,
  • Cute
  • Funny love
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Cute love
Unknown's Funny quotes #565867
Cuddling is cute and fun until kissing happens then well, shit gets real.
- Unknown
  • Funny love,
  • Cute
  • Funny love
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Cute love
Sam Ewing's Funny quotes #471282
In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to "Until debt do us part".
- Sam Ewing
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Change
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