George Carlin's Sarcastic quotes #203096
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
- George Carlin
  • Marriage
  • Marriage
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #573298
I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.
- Unknown
  • Break up,
  • Funny
  • Break up
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
Mandy Hale's Sarcastic quotes #782094
It's a lot harder to get someone out of your life than it is to let them in, so please be selective.
- Mandy Hale
  • Life,
  • Sarcastic
  • Life
  • Sarcastic
  • Friendship
  • Love yourself
If you aren't being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Maybe you've marked yourself down. It's you who tells people what your worth. Get off of the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.
- Unknown
  • Sarcastic
  • Sarcastic
  • Love yourself
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #545901
I love myself because I'm not just great, I'm the greatest.
- Unknown
  • Positive
  • Positive
  • Sarcastic
  • Love yourself
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #416905
I would never cheat in a relationship because that would require two people to find me attractive.
- Unknown
  • Lonely,
  • Cheating
  • Lonely
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Single
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #429337
Remember, when she cancels a date she has too. But when he cancels a date he has two.
- Unknown
  • Cheating
  • Cheating
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #419909
"I Love My Wife" bumper stickers are strictly for men who were caught cheating.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny love
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
Mike Royko's Sarcastic quotes #370995
Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.
- Mike Royko
  • Cheating,
  • Hate
  • Cheating
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
Sonya Parker's Sarcastic quotes #538536
Cheaters want you to be faithful while they're being unfaithful.
- Sonya Parker
  • Cheating,
  • Trust
  • Cheating
  • Trust
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #544311
A relationship is not a test so why cheat?
- Unknown
  • Cheating
  • Cheating
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #419125
Guys are like bra's, they hook up behind your back.
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #544642
Trust is the most important part of a relationship. You must be 100 sure that she won't tell your wife!
- Unknown
  • Cheating,
  • Trust
  • Cheating
  • Trust
  • Funny
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
Woody Allen's Sarcastic quotes #407575
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy. 
- Woody Allen
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Hussein Nishah's Sarcastic quotes #480525
Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat, don't sell drugs. The government hates competition.
- Hussein Nishah
  • Cheating,
  • Funny
  • Cheating
  • Funny
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #420919
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who both loved each other. Then a slut came along and ruined everything. The end.
- Unknown
  • Broken heart
  • Broken heart
  • Cheating
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
Ritu Ghatourey's Sarcastic quotes #532439
People will wish you all the success in the world and then they feel jealous and hate you when you get it.
- Ritu Ghatourey
  • Life,
  • Hate
  • Life
  • Fake people
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Havelock Ellis's Sarcastic quotes #137878
Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.
- Havelock Ellis
  • Love,
  • Sarcastic
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Molly Ringle's Sarcastic quotes #637638
And I got out of there without punching anyone, kicking anyone, or breaking down in tears. Some days the small victories are all you achieve.
- Molly Ringle
  • Love,
  • Sarcastic
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #419304
I can't waste my time on hateful people like you. So you keep wishing you were me, and I'll keep making sure you have to.
- Unknown
  • Hate,
  • Sarcastic
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #417161
You know you're awesome when people you don't even know hate you.
- Unknown
  • Hate,
  • Sarcastic
  • Hate
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #545712
Love is true when it comes from the heart, not from the mouth.
- Unknown
  • Heart,
  • Wisdom
  • Heart
  • Wisdom
  • True love
  • Love is
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
Stephenie Meyer's Sarcastic quotes #1647509
I'll meet you at the altar, I'll be the one in white!
- Stephenie Meyer
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
The worst thing about falling for your best friend is the fact that you can't tell them, not wanting to ruin the friendship. So you're basically forced to keep your biggest secret from the one person you can tell any secret to, and that breaks you.
- Unknown
  • Love for her
  • Love for her
  • Best friend
  • Sad
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
  • In love
  • Sad love
  • Friendship
  • Love for him
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #417736
Dear people who update their Facebook status every 30 seconds, there's Twitter for a reason.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Sarcastic
Billy Sunday's Sarcastic quotes #506785
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
- Billy Sunday
  • Funny,
  • Wisdom
  • Funny
  • Wisdom
  • Sarcastic
  • Brainy
You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon. Need I say more?
- Chris Rock
  • Funny,
  • Sarcastic
Mignon McLaughlin's Sarcastic quotes #369995
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
- Mignon McLaughlin
  • Inspirational
  • Inspirational
  • Marriage
  • Cute
  • Love for her
  • Wisdom
  • Love
  • Inspirational love
  • Sarcastic
  • In love
  • Cute love
  • Love for him
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #569598
I'm jealous of my parents, I'll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
- Unknown
  • Cute,
  • Funny
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Bette Midler's Sarcastic quotes #506491
The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
  • Happiness
  • Happiness
  • Sarcastic
  • Jealousy
Jodi Picoult's Sarcastic quotes #443844
True love is felonious...You take someones breath away...You rob them of the ability to utter a single word...You steal a heart.
- Jodi Picoult
  • Funny love,
  • Love
  • Funny love
  • Funny
  • Heart
  • Single
  • True love
  • Love is
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
William Goldman's Sarcastic quotes #635987
True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.
- William Goldman
  • True love,
  • Love
  • True love
  • Love is
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
Mae West's Sarcastic quotes #649004
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.
- Mae West
  • Marriage,
  • Single
  • Marriage
  • Single
  • Sarcastic
Husband: Tell me an Interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.
- Unknown
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Happiness
  • Funny
  • Sad
  • Sarcastic
  • Friendship
A man yells at his wife "Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery." "Oh wonderful!" she says, "Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" The husband replies, "I don't care. Just get out!"
- Unknown
  • Marriage,
  • Funny
  • Marriage
  • Funny
  • Sarcastic
Strange, that some people are still alive after the breakup, knowing that they used to say "I'd die without you." To their exes before.
- Unknown
  • Break up,
  • Funny
  • Break up
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Death
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #416999
Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.
- Unknown
  • Life,
  • Break up
  • Life
  • Break up
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
  • Jealousy
  • Love for him
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #421719
Oh, you're dating my ex...I thought the five second rule was for food only...
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Boyfriend
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #416472
I don't make mistakes, I just date them.
- Unknown
  • Funny,
  • Boyfriend
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #420917
I know he's a player, but I want to be the girl that he hangs up his jersey for and leaves the game.
- Unknown
  • Girl,
  • Love
  • I love you for him
  • Girl
  • Relationship
  • Love
  • Sarcastic
  • I love you
  • Love for him
Unknown's Sarcastic quotes #565773
Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.
- Unknown
  • Break up,
  • Funny
  • Break up
  • Funny
  • Boyfriend
  • Sarcastic
  • Girlfriend
Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Sarcastic quotes #633418
What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  • Love,
  • Sarcastic
Socrates's Sarcastic quotes #529496
The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.
- Socrates
  • Life,
  • Funny
  • Life
  • Inspirational
  • Inspirational about life
  • Funny
  • Education
  • Wisdom
  • Sarcastic
Elbert Hubbard's Sarcastic quotes #400429
Your friend is that man who knows all about you, and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard
  • Cute,
  • Funny
  • Cute relationship
  • Cute
  • Funny
  • Relationship
  • Sarcastic
  • Friendship
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